Racism & Violence
August 10th, 2009
Tonight I watched “ Cold Case” and it was about a woman who’d died at the hands of KKK while trying to help in Mississippi with other women who went down to help the cause of freedom fighters. As the story unfolded and all was revealed and the women who had participated shared with tears what they had gone through I just couldn’t stop crying. I realized that it touched on something I’ve never talked about much with anyone.
I’m 66 now, so I was in high school when Kennedy died. I still remember coming home from school and it was on the TV. And despite the family’s preference for republicans, my heart had been drawn by this man who spoke bravely about equality and liberty. It was a shock that anyone would kill the president. Now I know all the background now of history that for years was untold, and many things hidden now exposed on Alex Jones site.
But what followed that time was even more traumatic. The riots that took place in Johnson’s administration, and all the civil unrest. I remember going to catholic church one Sunday, and after Martin Luther King’s death how the young priest in the parish tried to speak on equality, and how I was in shock when one man stood up right in the church [ I’d gone to catholic school for much of grade school ] and rebuked the priest and told him if he didn’t like it, he should get leave ! He was filled with hatred & racism.
Now I was born in the south, my grandparents on mothers side were southerners, grandfather being a pentacostal holiness preacher who did tent revivals but in whom was mixture and freemasonry. That may shock some people, but it’s very common in the south. I remember my aunts and uncles coming to visit us in the “North” in Illinois, and using the “N” word to refer to blacks. Now if I said anything at that age, I’d get slapped. I just remember the vitriolic hatred on their faces. My mother had left the south When young, and when I was four moved north to the Chicago area. She even lost her accent, through taking elocution classes. She no longer spoke like a southerner. I remember visiting Virginia in 8th grade and my cousins calling me a "damn yankee".
My father was of Russian/Czech origin though parents came from Hungary and they were Jewish. His last name was KOZAR. And the Khozars were a clan in Russia who at some point chose Judaism over other religions. There was mixture I’m sure with real Jews, but for the most part, they were Russian by blood, Jewish by religion. But it is thought that many real Jews were among them and responsible for much of the jewish bloodlines in Europe. My mother told me my father’s family were Hungarian Jews. She had a Jewish prayer book I discovered after she died that may have been from him.
I share this, because somehow, God put in me a detestation for racism, and a love for many other cultures. I was drawn to foreigners. I loved accents, trying different foods, and learning about various cultural differences. I was puzzled by many things in my family, and that angry slurring of words about blacks was one of them.
But then I grew up with a German/Catholic family in Illinois who were my foster parents half my life, but back and forth between they and my real mother. Now in that family, they had a lot of judgmentalism. I realized how bad, after I was saved, and went home for the funeral of My foster brother Ted, who died of AIDS. I was standing by the large table we all used to eat at when the family came together on weekends, and watching as if from the outside, as I’d not been home in a long time. I watched as they ripped apart my neice’s Polish Catholic husband, who was a nurse. And at the time the light went on in my head, and I thought…”so that’s why…” meaning I’d struggled so much with criticism myself after getting saved and it has been a long battle to overcome, as these things are so ingrained.
I believe now, after years of working with various people from various cultures in nursing and overseas, that God had put in my heart a love for the nations because of the call on my life IN HIM, even from an early age.
In college I went to a Swedish Covenant College, that had a seminary called North Park College in Chicago. Now if you don’t know Chicago, it is divided into like pockets of ethnic groups. There is China town, Little Italy, German town, and what used to be the largest Greek population outside Athens, but now is second to Detroit for Greeks. There is the west side and south side which are mostly black areas. I worked at Chicago Lying In for my first job out of Grad School, being a change agent for the Special Care Nursery there.
As a young nurse we used to try out different ethnic restaurants on our days off, and we’d go dancing after in various disco’s. I had a black dance partner, and a jewish guy I’d dance with regularly as they were really fun dancers, and it sure kept my weight down. We didn’t drink much, just cokes, but loved to dance and talk. They were teachers in a ghetto school on the near north side.
When ever it came to dating it just seemed I was usually drawn to foreigners or Jewish guys, - once an anaesthesiologist who was Persian Jew was attracted to me, and it just seemed to be that I kept attracting all different types from different cultures. But in getting to know them a little, I got to know something about various cultures. I also taught nursing for years before coming out here with others with a variety of ethnic backgrounds, and I so enjoyed it.
But now, back to the tears tonight…
I realized tonight that I was never able to talk about the violence I witnessed on TV during high school years and college. They may have talked at dinner table when I was home, but sharing my feelings was nothing I could do. So reliving what it was like then through this TV show, brought up some issues, I guess I couldn’t cry through at the time. The thought even of this kind of thing happening again in America due to the forces working to destroy this nation, makes me weep and weep. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have been a black American in the 60’s and having lived where the violence took place. [ Not to mention earlier years when blacks were hung in the south, raped and murdered ]
I have a friend who grew up out here in Pasadena, who once shared how different it was to live now in the south in Georgia with her parents. She wasn’t used to the severity of the bigotry when she moved there, and it was quite an adjustment. Despite all the things people say about how better it is, that is NOT what I witnessed a few years ago when I went to Florida to help a Russian pastor’s wife.
There were people who wouldn’t get on the same elevator if it was filled with white people, or vice versa when we were in N. Carolina. I found this shocking, that such things still exhisted. When I played in the pool with a bunch of young Black American children, their parents were really eyeing me closely, no doubt with good reason. I tried to make them feel more safe by talking to them, but you could tell the knee jerk reaction that was in their hearts, made them cautious to this white stranger. I love children, as they are SO honest, and we had fun despite all the adult concerns.
My concern now is that because we have a man of color in the Whitehouse who is not in favor with many, due to following the policies of the new world order, that some delusional person taking his own idea of justice in his own hands could do again what happened in the 60’s to men in positions of importance. God FORBID ! You have no idea how diastrous this would be, and how much this would cause pain in our hearts and the hearts of our children, aside from the obvious devastation to his own family. It’s bad enough that they - this generation is conditioned to murder by TV shows and movies, violent games. Some things you experience as a child, do not just automatically get erased. Some things seem to take a long time to heal.
Jesus said, He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword!
Abuse like racism of any kind doesn’t just go away without lots of prayer. It took me four years of inner healing, my spiritual mom coming 3 hours or so weekly to get more free from the trauma of my own childhood ritual abuse. Here it is almost 50 years later, from those murders of the president, Martin, and Bobby K. and I’m experiencing pain all over again watching something that is reflective of the time I grew up in, realizing that at that time it was traumatic, all over again to my soul, when I had already experienced so much trauma as a little girl from abuse, that it added to that pain. The good thing about it is God turned it to compassion for those going through it. But like all of us, where there are still unhealed areas of our soul, there are aberrations of soul, and inability to fully do all God's called us to do.
We all need to pray and to REPENT in any area of our heart for the racism in our parents, or grandparents and ancestors, and for the violence done to others in it’s name. THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL Christianity. I had more than racism to repent of, and I literally had to disagree outloud, and dissociate from the judgments and false opinions of my families.
In Nehemiah 9 the Jews stood before the Lord for hours, confessing their sins and the sins of their forefathers . THIS is necessary for breaking generational curses. What is unconfessed, & unrepented for is unhealed. I know as I didn’t know everything about my family, so I also count on Holy Spirit to show me anything that needs dealing with so it gets confessed, and repented of, and then I break the curses coming from those sins. Little by little things were unfolded.
Abraham prayed that if there were 10 righteous even , in Sodom, would God spare the city. So if more of us would repent and take seriously the admonition to repent of any sin coming down the generations, then perhaps in the face of what is upon us, God will favor us, and like Jeremiah, we will find rest even in the midst of turmoil. But I know I don’t want any blood on my hands for what has happened in the generations to be unrepented for. I want a clean heart. I’ve too often been so disappointed by my own heart, but God promises that HE is GREATER than our heart, and will heal us.
Some of us have blood on our hands from generations who murdered and raped Native Americans, or Chinese & Japanese, immigrants. But it is IMPORTANT to ask Holy Spirit to uncover anything in the past unrepented for…that we can be FREE to be all He wants us to be. Many of us had grandparents or great grandparents who came from other nations with a whole lot of baggage themselves, unrepented of, freemasonry, druidism, witchcraft, sorcery and divination, idolatries... And the people who came as slaves have a lot of forgiving to do also for all the rape, poverty, control, witchcraft, hatred, that has come at them. Bitterness is a terrible thing to live with, and will send you straight to hell.
Some of us have had murder or anger in our hearts and not known it was because of curses on generations who participated in Freemasonry, or witchcraft of some kind. We haven’t understood even why we get so intolerant at times, when it was something handed down from previous generations participating in idolatries. My own experience is that when familiar spirits are involved in the generations, it’s not that easy to get free just from saying one prayer, though sometimes that is enough…more often it takes consistent renouncing and asking God daily to help you change your thought patterns, and speaking the word over and over, like in John Eckhardt's book on Routing Demons - which has some great spiritual prayers to do this with.
I highly recommend Amanda Buy’s renouncement prayers for generational curses, and those things like freemasonry & Rosacrucianism, witchcraft, etc. Just google her name or Kanaan Ministries in S. Africa and if you go to her page look at bottom for DOWNLOADS.
She has one just for Africans also as she is from there.
You just click on subjects to download pdf files. If you can leave a donation. She's put ALOT of work into what she's done.
For some this will not be news…that’s ok. I just felt it was important for me to share, and God willing more people will repent and be changed by His glory.
Love in Christ Jesus, Priscilla
